Marie

“I called you all here, because I spoke to Suhmer”

All of their eyes looked at me anxiously waiting for an update. My son Keeis  sat next to me, my daughters with my grandchildren sat across from me on the couch. My brother Amur sat on the love seat and my niece Codie-Marie sat on the ottoman.  I wanted to tell them personally first, I figured they can inform Whenter and his family also.

“What did she say mama?” Shyanne asked eagerly.

“She’s going to go ahead with the surgery”  I sighed

Shyanne burst into tears, Keeis rushed over to hug her. I began to get emotional also. When Suhmer called me a few days ago, I was overwhelmed with emotions. She and I haven’t been on the best terms since the birth of my youngest daughter’s son. I blamed her for what happened, not being the responsible older sister. But I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. I was embarrassed of having all three of my daughters with child at such a young age and without a husband. I was more so angry at myself than Suhmer, she was more than a big help with the girls. Even after her father and I separated she stepped in and even more so when I became ill.

We must’ve talked for hours about everything, she tried to avoid talking about her illness but I needed to know. Keeis would try to tell me but I didn’t want to hear it because of my own selfishness. She told me how scared she was but wanted my advice and approval on the operation. With my cancer I was against going underneath the knife, I resorted to chemotherapy or other natural remedies. My father had cancer also and the doctor suggested he go through with surgery along with my sister-in law who had breast cancer and they both died. So I can understand why my child was so stubborn and afraid.

“Mommy, I just don’t want to die. I don’t Emily to lose me mommy” she cried on the phone.

“She won’t Suhmer, you’re going to get through this. We’ll get through this okay?”

“Yes”

“I’ll be up there to visit you soon, before the procedure you just stay strong and prayed up. Mommy loves you Suhmer”

“I love you more mom”

“You okay baby?” I asked Shyanne

“Yeah, I’m just relieved that she decided to go through with this. It just makes me some what happy” she smiled, while wiping a tear away.

“Rayne is a fighter shy, we all are” my brother Amur said and glanced at me.

I smiled at him, “Uncle Amur is right. He and I were both diagnosed around the sametime and we’re still here and healthy. Suhmer is a fighter too, she’s going to make it”

“I’d like to think I had something to do with that” Codie spoke up

We all gave her a skeptical look. She looked back at us and burst into laughter.

“What? I went to go visit Suhmer to talk to her. I saw how torn my family was and I hated it. I hate not being able to see my little cousin since Suhmer gave custody to Whenter. But I did this for Emily, I don’t want her to got through the same thing I did”

Amur placed his hand on Codie’s shoulder. I knew he felt guilty for leaving her behind as a child and teenager while trying to find a cure for his cancer and mines.

“I mean dad, I know why you did what you did. To change the world, heal people. But I still needed you around and as for Emily, she’s just a baby. I could not stand to see her asking all of us, questions about her mother when her mother could answer them herself”

We all glanced around each other, I felt somewhat guilty of this while looking at my baby Sierra. Unfortunately for her, when she was born I was in the mist of an divorce and when she was 10 it was around the first time I was diagnosed with cancer.

” Amur and I know how you kids feel and we’re sorry. We only wanted what was best for you all and ourselves. It’s sad it took one of our too go through something we did  to notice this. But personally to my kids and to you Codie. We’re sorry and that’s from the bottom of our hearts”

“It’s okay Mom, we know why you did it” Shyanne said

“I know sweetie, but still. In a way I was a bit selfish and I just want to apologize”

“No need mama, you’re alive and healthy and if it took a bit of absence to have you still here with us. Then so be it” Keeis said

“Yea, you too daddy. I’m glad you’re still here” Codie chimed in

“Me too baby girl, me too” my brother smiled

Suhmer

“Visting hours are almost over” Nurse Daisy informed me

“Please, can I just stay a few more minutes?” Codie begged

Nurse Daisy looked over at me, I nodded my head in approval. For the past few weeks I didn’t want any visitors, I just wanted time for myself. I had Keeis here to keep me company when ever he could, but too many people wanted info out of him. So I had him leave, next thing I know I get an unexpected visit from Codie.

I’m sure she wanted to know the updates about my health, but instead she talked about what was going on in her life and about Uncle Amur.

“I’m glad you came here little cousin” my voice was weak and at times it was hard for me to breath.

Codie fondled with a bracelet she was wearing before she could answer me, then I took notice that she was crying.

“Marie don’t…” my voice trailed, before I knew it I was crying too.

“You have too many people that love you Suhmer, think about Emily if you don’t care about the rest of us”

“I do care, it’s just that..”

“Just what?!” she exclaimed. “I lost the love of my life, my soulmate, my best friend, and I’m on the verge of losing my cousin. Besides my dad you, Shyanne, Sierra, Keeis and Aunt Marie are the only family I have.”

“Look, Codie…it’s just hard dealing with this. I mean what if they do surgery and I do my chemo and the cancer is still there?”

“But what if it isn’t?” she retorted

“And if I don’t?” I shot back

“Wait a minute, this is stupid. I’m not about to argue with you about the choices of your life. But when there is a child involved, a child that has now become everybody in your family, let alone her daddy’s family responsibility. Do you really want Emily growing up bouncing around family to family?”

“I gave custody to Whenter and Ms. Joyce”

“Oh? And not your immediate family?” she said

“Codie, I don’t have the energy to argue with you!” I raised my voice

I began to cough uncontrollably, gasping for air. All this talking and arguing with Codie did not help at all. But I understood where she was coming from. I knew my family loved me and I know I have my daughter who needs me. Of course I’ve thought about it, I’ve thought about this daily. But I’d rather let nature take it’s course then to heal myself. I’ve seen this happen in our family more than once. They all went ahead with the procedures that the doctor’s suggested. Two out of four made it, unfortunately my grandfather and my aunt did not. My mother and Uncle Amur still fighting for their lives traveling, spending money to find a cure. I told myself I wouldn’t do that, that adds more stress not only on yourself but your family.

Mommy never realized how her illness took a toll on us, and even though thankfully she is still alive I still don’t have my mother in my life. As for Uncle Amur, he and a group of his colleagues of professors traveled around the world finding cures. Leaving Codie behind, to live with our grandmother while he was away.

“All I’m saying Suhmer is, think about your baby. You knew how I grew up, I barely got to see my father and when I did it was for a split second. I know the only reason why he’s come back home officially is because he finally grabbed hold of reality.” she said calmly.

“I know Codie, and I know how hard it was on you”

“You too, grandma use to hate how Aunty Marie would leave you guys to find some damn cure”

“True, but mom was still there building the shop”

There was silence momentarily

“Suhmer?” 

Codie and I perked up, when we notice Nurse Daisy in the doorway.

“I’m sorry but I have to let your cousin go”

“Alright…” I shook my head

She smiled and left.

Codie turned back around and gave me a faint smile

” I love you cousin and I only want what’s best for you, for all of us”

“I love you more” I said to her as I reached out for a hug. She held me tight and kissed my cheek.

“No more popping up unexpectedly either” I called out as she headed for the door.

“Yea, whatever” she chuckled.

**

“So, my best advice would be surgery..the tumor is growing daily Ms.Atkins and the sooner we tackle this, the better. Now I know before you were very hesitate about the procedure which is understandable. But if you’re serious about it then I’ll schedule for your surgery” Doctor Dreaks said

I shook my head slowly, “And what if it doesn’t?”

Doctor Dreaks placed his clipboard down and took a seat next to me.

” I’ve been apart of your family for awhile now, I’ve dealt with your grandfather, your mother, aunt and uncle. I understand how terrifying this is for you and your family. But Suhmer, I will try my hardest to remove this tumor. If you let me, me and my team will do our very best and I can assure you that” he said confidently.

“Thank You”

“No problem. So I can schedule this procedure?”

“Before you do, there’s one person I need to talk to before you do that..okay”

He shook his hand and patted my hand, “I understand, just let Nurse Daisy know and she’ll inform me”

“Thank you Dr. Dreaks”

“My Pleasure Ms.Atkins”

After he left my room, I grabbed my purse and rummaged through to find my cellphone. When I finally did I had mass texts, emails, missed phone calls and voicemails.

After my talk with Codie, she gave me food for thought. Maybe I have been selfish with this illness and did not look at the big picture. Yes, I’ve seen what the illness has done to my family but I could be the one to change that. When she mentioned Emily bouncing around from family to family that part I could not shake off. It kept nagging on to me, I visualized Emily being an eight year old little girl asking questions about me to Ms. Joyce or Whenter. I didn’t want to leave my little girl behind, but more so I did not want to have my daughter see her mother wasting away.

So I prayed about it, talked with the doctor and just hoped for the best. Whatever is meant to be will be, but there was still one person’s approval I needed before I gave the official “Okay”.

I scrolled through my contacts of favorites and her’s was underneath Shyanne. I pressed call, and her phone rang at least three times before she answered.

“Hello?” her voice sounded so pleasant and peaceful. Last time I heard her voice in this manner was when she and daddy were still married.

Immediately I began to cry, and I just wanted her here. I wanted her here to tell me that everything is going to be okay. I wanted her to play in my hair and kiss my cheek. Tell me that I’m her babygirl and she’ll always be there. I wanted my mommy.

“Mommy” I cried

“Suhmer?” her voice trembled

“I need you mommy”

There was silence for a moment and I could hear her cry too.

“I need you too baby girl”

Shyanne

“So what has Keeis told you?” Codie’Marie asked urgently

“The samething, she’s not getting better and refuses to allow them to do surgery or chemo. I don’t know what’s her fucking problem!”’

“Relax, this is not a time to overreact .only Suhmer knows what she’s going through, we don’t” Hope interrupted 

I rolled my eyes at her, she didn’t know what the fuck she was talking about. She was only Suhmer’s best friend. But Suhmer was my sister, my best friend, the person I knew I could count on for anything. Losing her would be losing half of me, she was my better half. She knew me better than I knew myself and she was always there being the beautiful person that she is. Thinking about this, I couldn’t help but break into tears. I didn’t want to lose my sister she shouldn’t be going through this. 

“Don’t cry Shy, we’ll be okay” Codie said as she came over to comfort me.

“It’s so hard going through this, she doesn’t deserve this at all. I can’t lose my sister Codie”

“We’ll get through this Shyanne trust me, you know Suhmer is strong. She can overcome anything, just have some faith and pray”

“I’ll try”

**

“I just need some time away, that’s it TJ”

“From what? You have everything you need here, I take care of you and your son well”

“You do and I can’t but thank you, but there’s somethings that I need to do” I paused and took a deep breath. “My sister is dying and I just need to be there for my family during this time, I’m sure you can understand”

“So let me come with you”

“NO!” I yelled startling him, “Just let me do this please, I need to do this for me..okay?”

He nodded his head slowly and allowed me to past the rest of my belongings.

After the shop burned down and my break up with Keenan, I moved in with TJ. He spoiled me and little Keenan rotten and I was pretty sure I was close to receiving an engagement ring. Now, I needed to take things into my own hands, things were pretty messed up with my family. My mother still hasn’t spoken nor has she spoken to Suhmer and Sierra is living with her child’s father in his parents basement. I needed to mend my family back together. I spent my time being whisked away by my prince charming that my family was breaking apart and I had to step up to the plate. Only person taking action was Keeis and that’s because Suhmer trusted him and knew he can handle anything. I’m glad they rekindled their relationship, it was always like that between them when we were younger. I had my two protectors to guide me and steer me on the right direction and now it was my time to do the same for them.

My bags were packed and I already had little Keenan over my mother house after I said my last good-bye to TJ and headed back to LA. Before I arrived to my mother’s house, I decided to stop by The Brown Residents to check on my niece and Whenter. Since Suhmer granted Ms. Joyce and Whenter as Emily’s guardians I haven’t seen my niece in a while. So when I arrived at Ms.Joyce greeted me with a warm smile and a hug. I went inside the living room and found Whenter and surprisingly Whenten engaging in a conversation, Emily was sitting in Whenten’s lap.

I remember the first day my sister and Whenter met, he had my sister so sprung.

“Oh my gosh, he’s just everything” she said as plopping down on her bed

“Are you going to talk about him all night?” I whined

She sat up and frowned at me, “Oh hush, you’re just jealous” she teased

“Please, far from it” I argued

She smirked at me and shook her head “You know, he does have a twin brother”

That spark an interest but I didn’t let her know, I just shrugged my head and turned off my night lamp.

“Goodnight Suhmer”

“Wait” She whispered, now plopping on my bed

“Whaaaat” I whined

“He’s coming by tonight”

“Pssh, good luck with that” I chuckled

“Oh, you’re coming with me”

“Uh, beg your pardon” I sat up in my bed.

She walked over to her side of the room, she turned back on the lamp and began to rummage through her drawer.

“Suhmer, Summer just started and I refuse to be on punishment because of you”

“So, we’re not going to get caught..relax and plus mommy took her meds so she’s knocked out” she said nonchalantly 

She had a point there, but still I wasn’t too convinced about her little scheme.

“Just do this for me please” she begged.

Then again, I wanted a little adventure too. I will be starting eighth grade this year and I can brag to my friends how I snuck out the house with my sister and her high school friends.

“Fine”

We both began to get dress while managing to keep quite since our baby sister would wake up at any minute and rat us out in the morning.

After a good ten minutes of finding clothes we heard a tap on the window. Suhmer walked over to open the window, I joined her and saw two light skin boys staring back us. One had a fade, the other in braids.

“Sup baby” the light skin one with the fade said to Suhmer. I assumed he was her lover, and the other one was for me.

“I thought they were twins” I hissed at her.

“Fraternal” she hissed back, “We’ll be down in a few” she loudly whispered to Whenter.

She closed the window half way and put the shades down. Grabbing her jacket and her shoes in hand. 

“We’re going to sneak back in through the window..but we’re sneaking out the front door. Try to be quiet to big foot” she teased

“Oh shut up big head” 

That night was memorable, we ended up going to the lake a few blocks away from our house. Whenter was fine I’ll admit, but he was perfect for Suhmer they balanced each other out. They couldn’t keep their hands off one another and they’ve only known each other for a day. But hey I guess that term “Love at first sight” is true. As for Whenten, he was cute too, shy and quiet but nonetheless I had fun with him.

“Look who’s here” Whenter said to me with a smile. I walked over and greeted him with a hug.

“How you doing?” I asked

He slightly shrugged his shoulders and glanced at Emily,

“It’s going to be alright man” I said as I patted his back.

He mumbled something and got up from his seat, leaving me alone with Whenten and Emily.

I took a deep sigh and took a seat near Whenten. The last time I saw him was at the dinner Ms.Joyce had. It was pretty awkard between he and I, considering he wanted to be with me but I was with TJ. Even though my relationship with TJ hasn’t ended, I couldn’t see myself leaving my family going back to him. Nor do I think would he move down to LA.

I sighed at the thought and ran my fingers through my hair

“You’re still beautiful”

I glanced at him and smiled, “You were always the sweet twin”

“Yeaa but being the sweet twin always left me with a broken heart”

I twisted my lip at the comment, I knew he was referring to me the way I toyed with his heart. 

“I’m sorry Whenten…it’s just that-“

“No need” he interrupted, while patting Emily to sleep.

“You’ve moved on and I forgave you..it’s life” he shrugged.

“I know but still, we’ve been friends for a very long time. Hell I thought me and you would’ve been married with kids by now” I blurted out. 

He looked at me with those sincere eyes of his and smiled half heartedly

“Yea….so did I”

“I mean…you never know”

He looked down at Emily who was sound asleep,

“No use in trying to revive a dead relationship….if that’s what it was”

Well…I wasn’t expecting that comment from him. He carefully stood up with Emily in his arms and handed her to me.

“And plus, you have more important things to worry about” he bent down to kiss Emily on her forehead and left the dining room.

I held Emily close to my chest as silent tears began to fall from my eyes. Whenten was right, I had other things to worry about. God forbid if Suhmer did not recover, my niece would be the only person close to Suhmer that I’ll have around still.

“Aunty is going to take care of you baby girl, I promise I will”